I QUIT!!!

I am officially done trying to make the continual extra effort to communicate with people when I get nothing in return. Sometimes it feels like I have to pull teeth in order to get some people's attention and I am kind of sick of it. I no longer want to be the doormat that people dismiss and take for granted while I put forth so much effort. I know this may sound really selfish but at this point I really don't care. There is only so long that you can pretend that it doesn't bug you until it finally makes you want to explode. Now I am not sure who all reads my blog (because let's face it, recently it has been kind of boring) but I am pretty sure it isn't you who I am talking about, so don't get offended. My whole life I have been the more quiet and reserved one and believe it or not I had and do have opinions. I have started to come out of my shell a little bit more since I started playing for the Jordan lax team and I do know how to stick up for myself. Most of the time I will let people do little things that annoy me and I don't really say anything, but after awhile it adds up and then they try and do something else that is mean or just stupid and I go off. It is a rare sight to see unless you are one of my sisters but so many people try to take advantage of the fact that I do care about how people feel.

I think that I have made it harder for people to actually get to know me because I hold back so that they can't hurt me. For example, not many people will ever see me dance and sing to radio songs...I am sure that I can count it on my fingers. I know that seems small but I don't trust too many people implicitly that I will open up that much to them. Another thing is that very few people have seen me cry because of something that bothers or hurt me (yes of course there is at church when you get up for testimony and start crying...also when Nate died but that was kind of a more mellow version at least at the church...Vanessa and Sarah saw the real thing). What I mean by crying is when I am left feeling deeply disappointed or someone has hurt me I try to hide my feelings.

Another thing I hate and I am not quite sure why (I have a slight idea) is when people heard about something that happened and ask if I am okay...I know this should be a nice thing and comforting but for some reason it makes me feel weak. I am trying to work on this because people are usually genuinely concerned. Here are some of the situations when it bothered me...in 2007 on St. Patricks day I was supposed to be going over to the beetdigger tournament but the night before and that morning I had the worst ache and it hurt to breath, so I went to instacare instead. Long story short I had to get a CAT scan and they didn't really figure out what was wrong but the pain went away. For the next few days people would keep on coming up to me and asking if I was alright (sorry if I didn't thank you for your concern) and this drove me nuts because I didn't want people to know that I had that moment of weakness. Another instance was my senior year of high school I was doing lifeguard training and after swimming for forever I developed a huge charley horse and had to be pulled out of the water by the instructors because I couldn't swim (of course we were in the deep end so that could have turned out great!) and then it hurt to walk on for the next few days. Later I tell my coach for some reason and then at the next practice I had to sit out during sprints-most people in this situation would be thrilled, but I felt like the biggest slacker and tried to sneak into the drills. I guess the overall thing is that sometimes I just don't like to be pitied.

lacrosse venting

So this post isn't necessary to read I just wanted to vent a little about lacrosse.

If most of you don't already know I decided that I wasn't going to coach this year and Jordan got new head coaches. It is true that I said I don't have the time to coach but that doesn't mean I won't help out the new ones if they need it. So anyway, the new coaches have decided that they want to totally abandon the traditions of the old Jordan team-you know the one that won 4 state championships and made it to the playoffs at least every year except the first-and rely on what they know from playing at a school with a lacrosse coach that was a cheerleader and didn't know too much about lacrosse. That past just included some of the best coaches ever in the state like Soni and Eugena. It just bugs me how they can dismiss the past completely without realizing that it got Jordan to where it is today-a highly respected team. Then the JLO president keeps on asking me where the old players are and what they are doing for the team. Does everything we do for lacrosse have to be for Jordan? Are we not allowed to move on and start other teams, officiate and coach other places than at Jordan??? Last thing I promise that I am going to bring up is how people in the JLO (jordan lacrosse organization) have acted since I turned down the head coaching position. So I was talking to the girls parent rep a few months ago and I was talking with her about some of my concerns about the team and she started saying things like "well you didn't step up to coach," "I wasn't aware that you were doing anything to help" (almost in a smartalic tone) and that I think was what sent me over the top. The thing that I hate most about this situation is that I DON'T LIKE DRAMA and yet I am stuck in the middle of it trying to fight my way out.

I am ready to be completely done with Jordan lacrosse and just move on to Tribal.

Again, that would be me!

• The person who parks next to a pole, on the drivers side but forgets that I have to get out of the car on that side.
• Gets another new pair of jeans and once again forgets to take the sticker off the leg that says size huge! Oh and then decides to walk around BYU campus for a little while.
• The person who mumbles sometimes because she knows what she is saying is retarded or unimportant; so she is just testing it out quietly before actually saying out loud and clear for everyone else to hear.
• The person who loves playing volleyball but sometimes can't decide exactly how to hit the ball, so people on the side see my hands go up and down until I accidentally hit it a random way.
• The person who stands against the wall to serve the volleyball and has it still go out on the other side.
• The person who sometimes hasn't practiced her serving in volleyball for awhile and hit innocent bystanders and scorekeepers!
• The person who finally serves the ball in the court and over the net but end up pegging somebody in the chest really hard...sorry!
• The person who tries to walk down the stairs, looks up for a second and misses the last two steps, and biffs it!
• The person who can't stand to sleep with a flat sheet because she gets tangled in it at night. I know I have issues! (just a bottom sheet and down comforter)
• The person who always coughs when she cleans her left ear but not the right one...I am not joking! :)

Well, I hope you enjoyed making fun of me as much as I did! I hope you are happy now...haha!

HI HO, HI HO IT'S OFF TO BYU I GO!

I am aware that I have made it to a few schools in Utah before finally deciding and staying at one. I just signed a contract for the apartments I am going to live in. It isn't the nicest apartment but it will still be fun! I am going to be living in an apartment with five other girls, but I only know one of them (a girl that went to Paris on study abroad). I will be moving down the beginning of January and I can't wait!

Sorry this post is short, I have another one planned for later in the week! For now, GO BYU!!!

Quick Update

I know it seems like I randomly fall off the face of the earth and lose contact with everyone but things have been kind of crazy. I started classes at SLCC on August 27th and have been trying to get situated. I am just retaking a class this semester along with a few others to get 12 credits, and then I am trying to transfer down to BYU. Also I wasn't at church the previous three Sundays because I had farewells the first two weeks and then I was out of town with my family (my grandparents, cousins, aunt and uncle). The crazy thing is that my messed up schedule doesn't end there, this Thursday I leave for Estes Park, Colorado to help my parents out at the Scottish Festival and I won't be back until sometime on Sunday.
This year I have been extremely lucky and had the chance to travel all over. First I was in France for 3 months, then when I came home I took a trip to California to visit my brother and his family, the third trip was unexpected when Soni had me go with her to Vail, Colorado. The final trip is this little excursion with my parents and Hayley.

I am sorry if I said we needed to go to lunch or hang out and we haven't yet, I will try my hardest to get in touch with you and it will be before the end of the year. I am attempting to be less of a horrible friend and try to catch up with everyone. This post was kind of boring so I will include a few pictures.

Saint Paul's Cathedral in LondonBig Ben taken while on the London Eye
Senior Dinner Dance...Me and Cali

Senior Dinner Dance

Amy Enceff, Brindi Nichol and me

Me holding Owen for the first time in the hospital

Me, Aly Sypherd and James Mayo in Petit France

Me, Kate and Claire bored at the museum in Invalides

Claire and me being crazy in Luxembour Gardens

I told you I don't get overly excited...not even for Santa!

I am hanging on for dear life to the pole at the bottom of the stairs. This is at my grandparent's house in Delaware...the pole is still there!

Rachel and me waiting outside the Bountiful temple at Chad and Brittany's wedding

Climbing as best I can at my great grandma Gardner's house

Thaxton pointing to the best sign ever!

The statue Winged Victory, located in the Louvre Museum.

No offense to anybody but the Mona Lisa isn't as cool as everyone thinks it is.

Back in the day Wednesday!

I thought this time I would start out with Paris pictures and then tell weird stories after. Hope you enjoy!

My cousin Claire Vitale and me after spending the day in Luxembourg Gardens.


For some reason I like to make really weird and ugly faces. Kate and I are on top of the Arc De Triomphe.


Some of the group huddled together by the Cathedral in Strasbourg. The entire time we were there it was cold and rainy.

Most of the group went to Cleopatre the musical. It was awesome and we all had a lot of fun.

Me, the Gg, Kate and Claire in front of Sacre Coeur.

When my cousin Syd and her husband Chad came to France we went to a little cafe with my other cousins Andrew Patterson, Kate Patterson and Claire Ahlstrom. While we were waiting for our hot chocolate to come, Andrew started playing with is cup and said "We should play spin the bottle." Everyone at the table was just silent and gave him a weird look because everyone at the table was related. The rest of the time in Paris we would joke with him about it. So in this picture Andrew is pretending to play spin the bottle with me, my cousin Claire Vitale, his sister Kate and Aly a girl from the program.

In Strasbourg we found a little fair that had a few rides and I had to convince other people to go on this one with me. I love big scary roller coasters and rides, so the bigger the better!

Andrew and me waiting to get on the ride. He decided right before that he didn't want to go on it, so he held everyone's belongings.

This is another ride we went on in Strasbourg.

Aly and me on the bus, driving through Strasbourg.

This is the rum raisin ice cream that our director a.k.a my uncle Kelly ordered for the group and wasn't too thrilled to find out that it had rum in it. They brought out kids versions for my younger cousins and that is when my uncle freaked out.

When we were in Strasbourg we had a real Alsatian dinner with sauerkraut and everything! To be honest this was not my favorite meal and some of the meats were iffy. By the end of the dinner we had made a huge plate for one of the guys in the group; he didn't eat it all but he ate quite a bit.

We all looked so happy because we were unaware of how the food actually tasted. I promise I had more than a few bites because I felt bad that the program had paid for it and that people weren't eating much of it. We would dare each other to take huge bites and it was so nasty. The guy on the left side, at the very back is Chris and that is the person we gave all the food to.

We found this interesting thing at a park in Strasbourg and we have no idea what they do with it.

These little bouncing horses kept Aly and me entertained for at least 20 minutes. Also they weren't meant for people our size so if you really leaned back you could touch the ground and sometimes even fall off!

Emma and James on swings in Strasbourg. One of these two and I won't say who just wanted to sit on the swing and do nothing.

Aly and I would swing as high as possible and then jump off, which wasn't always safe because there was a river right next to us (there was a fence but it you were going fast enough you could go right over it).

The view from our hotel in Strasbourg! Don't worry the guy in the back is in a different room. haha!

For lunch Aly and I had these huge hot dogs in Strasbourg. They were so big it hurt our mouths to try and take a bite.

Everybody waiting to jump for the picture on top of the Arc de Triomphe.

Aly, me and Emma in an amazing jumping picture on top of the Arc de Triomphe.

I am not sure if I am confused, annoyed or what in this picture. Andrew, me and Aly on top of the Arc de Triomphe.

Claire Vitale, me, Aly, Kate and Emma walking up the stairs inside the Arc de Triomphe.

My host lady, Madame de Mazery (not sure if I spelled that correctly) and me.

The guys decided to pick up my uncle/the director because they could. From left to right: Abraham, Andrew, James, Chris, Grant, Zach and in front Kelly.

Last Sunday in the Paris Ward.

This is the Statue of Liberty in Luxembourg Gardens. It is a lot smaller than the one in New York obviously. There is larger one in Paris, located on the Seine River.

We all wanted to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower, but unfortunately it was closed. Instead we took a lot of random pictures and I am sure the Frenchies thought we were crazy.

This is one of my favorite pictures that I took of the Eiffel Tower. The sunset makes it look even better!

My cousin Claire Vitale, The Gg (my mom's mom) and me at my aunt and uncle's apartment in Paris.

Left to Right: My cousins Kate and Claire, me, my cousin Andrew and James.

It took a few times to get this picture in front of Sacre Coeur because people would walk through our picture.

All of the girls sitting on a replica throne at one of the castles we visited.

Me, Claire Ahlstrom, Aly and Julianne heading over to Claire and my apartment for a sleepover! In my room there is a pull out mattress under my bed and then we piled some pillows on the floor, which I ended up sleeping on (not comfortable at all).

Aly liked to pick on me at the museums with the swords. We would wait in the gift shop when we finished at the museums so we had a little bit of time on our hands.

We wanted to participate in the Price of Right spin the wheel round, Mont St-Michel style.

These little contraptions are your best friend when you don't speak a lot of French and don't have a tour guide. They are our audio guides with really interesting information on them. The nice thing about the audio guides is that you can go at your own pace.

Julianne, Aly and me weren't willing to let our night in shining armour to disappear so we held on for dear life!

Aly and I just liked this cartoon so we took this awesome picture with it!

This is the hall of mirrors in the Palace of Versielle. It was impossible to get a picture without random people in it, so this is what you get.

Andrew and me in front of Mont Saint-Michel.

Julianne, Claire Ahlstrom and me in front of the Castle of Cheverny.

Chenonceau Castle

Night view of the Eiffel Tower.

BLAST FROM THE PAST!

Yes, I do get excited when I get underwear for Christmas!

Back in the day I would wander the neighborhood with some friends that later became known as the Red Head Gang, because Debbie Larsen decided that would be a nifty name. It included me, Kayla and Alyssa Ward. Sometimes we would even have Trina, Alysha or Lacy with us. Our little group even made up a song about Debbie's cat and performed it for her! It went something like..."Cali, Cali cat, Cali, Cali cat I love you..." I don't remember it that well.

Now for the reason I hate cats. When I was younger, I don't remember how old, I was over at Debbie Larsen's house hanging out. I was playing in her front room and I saw Cali, Debbie's cat, laying in there and of course I wanted to hold her. So I go over next to her and start petting her and then Debbie yells in from the kitchen "don't pick her up" by that time I had already tried to pick her up and she bit me. Debbie ran in the room because it was quiet and saw tears rolling down my face and freaked out, grabbed a rag and tried to clean it out. Later I went to the doctor because it was hurting a lot and there was a little bumb where she had bit me. Long story short I ended up having to take antiboitics it was infected.

Embarrassing Story
My freshman year of lacrosse the team had to run to Jordan and back to Bear Park. I of course forgot to bring my sneakers to practice so I was running in my cleats. On the way back from Jordan, we were running on the fake brick they had put in on the Sidewalks down Sego Lilly. Suddenly the two girls in front of my split and I didn't react in time so I slammed into a mailbox and fell to the ground. Not only was it embarassing because my whole team saw me fall but it was also on on busier street.

Thanks for reading I will try and come up with some more stories.