DUSTING OFF THE KEYBOARD...

I have finally decided that it is about time to update my blog. I think that a year plus break was long enough. For those of you who have recently stumbled upon my blog (because you wanted the link and I obliged) I help you prepare for what is to come.

FIRST...I am very random in what I post and how I say things. I apologize if my train of thought leaves you completely lost. It makes sense in my head but not always when I try explain it to others. So don't feel bad because you are probably not alone!

SECOND...I am horrible at taking pictures so many times there are very long posts with absolutely no pictures involved.

LAST...I constantly make fun of myself and the stupid things I do. If you can't laugh and make fun of yourself then what is there to do in life?Alright, to start off this post there is a warning, this isn't the happiest post ever but I wanted to write a little bit about my grandpa. My Grandpa Erickson was admitted to the hospital on New Year's Day because he was having trouble breathing. Hoping to leave the hospital by the end of the week, he wasn't thrilled by the prospects of living with oxygen the rest of his life but excited to leave. Then the doctors discovered that my grandpa had a leaky heart valve which was causing the fluid build-up in his lungs and making it difficult to breath. A little while after getting heart surgery he was sent to another place to recover. Then this past Thursday he was rushed to the hospital because he has pneumonia. Now he is still in the hospital again but doesn't seem to think he'll get better.

My Grandpa is a hilarious man because he isn't afraid to say anything and will usually say whatever comes to his mind. He has always been a big, tall man but soft and loving. He likes to tell me that he misses me coming over and having breakfast when I had school close to his house. Every morning he would call to ask when I as coming over and once I made it he had some sudoku and other puzzle ready to do with me and explain to me. Then he would make what he calls "mush" (oatmeal) and would tell me how good it was for you as he added a chunk of butter, then make some toast and add more butter to that too.Grandpa Erickson is always one to crack jokes and just make everything enjoyable. I have been lucky to have all four grandparents around while growing up and I am not ready to lose one. I hope he gets better soon and returns to being his own funny self.

Don't forget to enjoy life and find fun with the simple things in life!

WAIT A MINTUE!

I know that most people only have the best of intentions for me but this whole planning my future for me isn't working so well. Since I am single, many have decided to make it their personal goal to track someone down for me and set up a date. All that is fine but when they start talking about me meeting this unknown person's parents and how great it would be to have them in the family...IT KIND OF FREAKS ME OUT. Let's take a step back first and realize that I have not met these people that are so perfect for me and then also take into consideration that we might not like each other! I know I shouldn't complain but I would like a say in who I spend the rest of my life with.

Since that was a super short rant I will fill you guys in with what has been happening since my last post (at least the things I remember well enough).

The end of March my little nephew Carson was born, and oh my goodness he is the cutest baby ever. I finally got to see the little guy the beginning of June, along with my adorable niece Paige. Other than that quick trip to California I have just been at home working a rediculous amount of time at the lacrosse store (don't get me wrong it's good but sometimes you get worn out). I am aware that this post isn't that exciting so I will try and come up with better ones and include pictures next time!

2 Hours is Just Too Long

Every Tuesday and Thursday I have a 9am class and then a break for 2 hours and 10 minutes in which I stay on campus because it isn't worth it to make the trek to my apartment. Normally on Tuesdays I don't mind the break because I can finish my Calculus homework before class and then there is a devotional or forum to attend. This Thursday I figured I should do my math homework to prepare for the quiz and do some reading for another quiz in American Heritage. After I finish the assignment and the reading I check my phone for the time and only ONE hour has gone by and I have to find something to do until noon. So I have officially read most of the blogs I have a link to, stalked people on facebook, checked all of my emails and now I have enough time to write a post. I guess that I could be studying for my religion test but I figure i have enough time to do that and don't really feel like reading the student manual and 26 chapters (to review).

After my math quiz...wait for it...I have an hour break before my last class of the day. Luckily I have enough time to run home, make lunch and then walk back to campus. All I can think of right now is how comfortable my bed would be and hating the fact that I am not in it.

THE GOOD STUFF

• On the 29th of March I am going to have a new little nephew and I am so excited! I have no idea what the name will be but I know that he is going to be super cute!!!
• I have officially already taken 2 tests this week and am prepared for the two quizzes I have today.
• Only one test left this week! The testing center looks like this dreary place and it is pretty stressful once you walk in there because you know you have to take the test then and just hope you remember everything that you studied.
• THE SEMESTER IS ALMOST OVER!!! I really enjoy being at BYU but lets be honest, who isn't excited when school is out!?!

KIND OF CRAPPY NEWS

At the beginning of this month Hayley and my parents went with the Jordan lacrosse team to Vegas for a lacrosse tournament. Everything was going pretty well and people were having fun being in the nice weather. Then the last game that Jordan was playing in the tournament, Hayley jumps up to get the ball and then as she lands, her knee pops and she has to helped off the field. Now a few weeks later she finally gets the results from the MRI and finds out that she tore her ACL and has to get surgery at the end of the month. She won't be able to play for the next 5 months. :( Sad Day...

What is wrong with me???

The first way I am applying this question is emotionally. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I cannot cry. I am not sure if I just suppressed my emotions so much that now they just don't show, but I am definitely curious to know what is going on. Things that I normally would have found spiritually touching or just saddening no have no affect on me whatsoever. It seems as if I have just gone numb. I am reading my scriptures, going to church and saying my prayers but I still feel nothing, and as far as I know I haven't done anything that would take the spirit away. It may just be the fact that nothing is really affecting me right now. I still notice prfound moments but my reaction isn't the same, before I would be blubbering like an idiot and now there is absolutely nothing. Am I doing something wrong???

The next way I want to apply this question is to the dating aspect. Before it never really bugged me because I wasn't that interested, and had better things to do with my time. Do I intimidate guys so much that they don't want to date me? Is it a physical thing? Will I end up alone? I know my sisters like to pry into my personal life, but I find it embarrassing to say that I have no one, and that no one is interested. I know this may come as a surprise to many people, but I am at that point in my life where I would like to think that I am going to find someone that I can spend the rest of my life with. Right now there is nothing...absolutely nothing and it kind of drives me nuts. It is hard to think of yourself as beautiful when no one is interested. I don't want to be alone and even though I am still young I don't want to wait forever. I don't expect to get married any time soon but I would like to think that it will happen sooner than later.

SCHOOL

I am having a lot of fun at school, even though it is keeping me super busy. This week alone I have 3 tests that I have to take in the testing center, watch a movie for American Heritage, write 1 paper, take 2 quizzes, do 3 math assignments, and complete 1 online test. Since it is pretty late and I have to get up early I am going to go to sleep and will have give another update later!

There Has Been Some Definite Shrinkage

BEFORE
Here is the room I had before I left for college (everything in the room is mine except for the lamps). I had a huge comfy bed all to myself and didn't have to share a room with anybody.

This is my awesome bed and tall dresser, along with the best curtains ever!

This is my entertainment/Clothes storage area. I also had my own games, printer and everything else there.

Here is the best view I could get of my room but as you can see I love Paris!

The small dresser with the lamps and mirror and then right across from that is my DVD collection...which is pretty awesome, if I do say so myself! Then I also had my nintendo wii that I could play anytime I wanted and had enough remotes to share!

NOW
Once I moved down to Provo I now have to share a room with someone and have lost all of my storage space. The thing that I dislike most is the twin bed...I don't mean to be a complainer, but it isn't comfortable at all and I have the hardest time sleeping here. Honestly some nights I wake up constantly just because I can't get comfortable.

My dad ghetto rigged my bed so that I have a little extra storage underneath of it.

Here is my tiny closet, I didn't know that they could get smaller than the one I had at home. Also, I didn't want to look at my close all day so I put a curtain up in front of it.

Here is my lovely little night stand where I sramble to find things in the mornings (my roommate leaves later than I do everyday so I can't turn on the light since she is still asleep).

The funniest thing about my stuff at BYU is that my roommate asked me if my favorite color was red. I told her it was actually green but red looks a lot nicer when you are decorating or adding accents to the room (unless of course you can find the right green which is super hard). Back to the story, she then tells me that green is her favorite color too and that is why she has a green blanket. I know that doesn't seem funny but if you saw her things and then asked what her major is, you wouldn't believe it. She wants to be an interior designer and you can't tell at all by the way her half of the room looks. (Maybe I will post a picture of it later!).

CALIFORNA!!!
-I am aware that it is spelled wrong, but that is how Paige says it.

I had to go to California to sell things at a lacrosse tournament, so we decided to visit my brother and his family. My niece Paige is so cute and was super hyper the first morning we were there.
I have decided that I would like to live in Palm Springs because IT IS AMAZING!!! These are the Polo grounds and they are perfect, there is no other way to describe it. Here is a little garden with fountains right next to the tents.

These are the tents that the vendors were under so unfortunately I wasn't out in the sun much.

Honestly, the grass was perfect, it wasn't too hot or too cold, and there were palm trees everywhere. This is my paradise for now (we'll see how long it lasts).

Here is Hayley playing defense against Team 180, I think. She is quite the defender and just in case you are wondering she is #5 in this picture.

Disregard the gold cart and look at the amazing fields these girls got to play on. I am so jealous! When I played we only had Mt. Jordan Middle and we named it the "Holy Rock" because it was so hard, and if you fell on it you were sure to come up with some cuts and bruises.

TORTURE

The lady talking into the microphone was the Art History teacher I had when I was in France and she was horrible. Now there are some more students there and they have to suffer through this horrible class.

A few Sunday's ago I was listening to a younger boy talk in church and then all of a sudden his words started getting mummbled and he wasn't talking in the microphone. The next thing that you know he had passed out and lucky the Bishop was ther to catch him. Right after he passed out all the medical people in our ward started heading up to the front to help him out if they coculd (it is very comforting to know that in my homeward there are so many people that can help out in an emergency). Afterwards his mom got up and told everyone that it had happened before and that he locks his knees when he is nervous. This reminded me of what I thought at the time was an awesome idea. The class with the teacher pictured above, was so boring (when it should have been amazing...We were in the Louvre!) that sometimes I would think about locking my knees so that I would pass out or feel weak and would be able to leave. This plan never worked because we would either move or I chickened out. After seeing this boy pass out in church, I am kind of glad that I never went through with it because the floors in the museums we visited were hard and I don't think anybody would be ready to catch me in time!

MY AMAZING BALANCING SKILLS!

Normally I will start to slip on some ice or something else slippery and miraculously keep myself from falling, but what happened yesterday snuck up on me and attacked when I wasn't looking. I went to Fish and Soni's house to pick up some stuff and as I left I was walking down the stairs and made it to the bottom just fine. Then on the concrete step I went to step down to the last one and before I knew it I was sitting on the ground in pain. It happened so fast that I don't actually remember falling just standing up one second then on the ground the next. As I stood up I groaned a little bit because of the pain, then looked up the stairs and all around to make sure that no one saw me fall!

BYU!!!

I am not sure exactly who I told, but for those who are not aware, I moved down to Provo this past Sunday and started classes the next day. So if you don't already know this BYU campus is huge and most of my classes aren't right next to each other. Occasionally I would get lost and have to turn around numerous times, but eventually I found all of my classes. My American Heritage class is in this huge room with a screen that looks bigger than those in a movie theater. In fact I think you could probably fit 1 1/2 of the Jordan Commons theater rooms in there. Besides the excessive walking I really love BYU (I know it has only been one week but still). It seems like the teachers really care about their classes and some will even start class with a prayer, which is pretty awesome. Also, mostly everybody is super nice and considerate of other people (I will explain). Any time I am carrying a few things to my apartment and it looks like a lot random people ask if I need help, or if I am waiting to cross the street and someone is next to me they randomly strike up a conversation and everybody holds open the door for the next person. I feel like I have to be even nicer when I am there and that I can do more for people. So in the end I am a BYU fan through and through (sorry Utes fans). I will try to take some pictures of the place I am living and post them in a little while.

JUST IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T LAUGHED TODAY!

I QUIT!!!

I am officially done trying to make the continual extra effort to communicate with people when I get nothing in return. Sometimes it feels like I have to pull teeth in order to get some people's attention and I am kind of sick of it. I no longer want to be the doormat that people dismiss and take for granted while I put forth so much effort. I know this may sound really selfish but at this point I really don't care. There is only so long that you can pretend that it doesn't bug you until it finally makes you want to explode. Now I am not sure who all reads my blog (because let's face it, recently it has been kind of boring) but I am pretty sure it isn't you who I am talking about, so don't get offended. My whole life I have been the more quiet and reserved one and believe it or not I had and do have opinions. I have started to come out of my shell a little bit more since I started playing for the Jordan lax team and I do know how to stick up for myself. Most of the time I will let people do little things that annoy me and I don't really say anything, but after awhile it adds up and then they try and do something else that is mean or just stupid and I go off. It is a rare sight to see unless you are one of my sisters but so many people try to take advantage of the fact that I do care about how people feel.

I think that I have made it harder for people to actually get to know me because I hold back so that they can't hurt me. For example, not many people will ever see me dance and sing to radio songs...I am sure that I can count it on my fingers. I know that seems small but I don't trust too many people implicitly that I will open up that much to them. Another thing is that very few people have seen me cry because of something that bothers or hurt me (yes of course there is at church when you get up for testimony and start crying...also when Nate died but that was kind of a more mellow version at least at the church...Vanessa and Sarah saw the real thing). What I mean by crying is when I am left feeling deeply disappointed or someone has hurt me I try to hide my feelings.

Another thing I hate and I am not quite sure why (I have a slight idea) is when people heard about something that happened and ask if I am okay...I know this should be a nice thing and comforting but for some reason it makes me feel weak. I am trying to work on this because people are usually genuinely concerned. Here are some of the situations when it bothered me...in 2007 on St. Patricks day I was supposed to be going over to the beetdigger tournament but the night before and that morning I had the worst ache and it hurt to breath, so I went to instacare instead. Long story short I had to get a CAT scan and they didn't really figure out what was wrong but the pain went away. For the next few days people would keep on coming up to me and asking if I was alright (sorry if I didn't thank you for your concern) and this drove me nuts because I didn't want people to know that I had that moment of weakness. Another instance was my senior year of high school I was doing lifeguard training and after swimming for forever I developed a huge charley horse and had to be pulled out of the water by the instructors because I couldn't swim (of course we were in the deep end so that could have turned out great!) and then it hurt to walk on for the next few days. Later I tell my coach for some reason and then at the next practice I had to sit out during sprints-most people in this situation would be thrilled, but I felt like the biggest slacker and tried to sneak into the drills. I guess the overall thing is that sometimes I just don't like to be pitied.

lacrosse venting

So this post isn't necessary to read I just wanted to vent a little about lacrosse.

If most of you don't already know I decided that I wasn't going to coach this year and Jordan got new head coaches. It is true that I said I don't have the time to coach but that doesn't mean I won't help out the new ones if they need it. So anyway, the new coaches have decided that they want to totally abandon the traditions of the old Jordan team-you know the one that won 4 state championships and made it to the playoffs at least every year except the first-and rely on what they know from playing at a school with a lacrosse coach that was a cheerleader and didn't know too much about lacrosse. That past just included some of the best coaches ever in the state like Soni and Eugena. It just bugs me how they can dismiss the past completely without realizing that it got Jordan to where it is today-a highly respected team. Then the JLO president keeps on asking me where the old players are and what they are doing for the team. Does everything we do for lacrosse have to be for Jordan? Are we not allowed to move on and start other teams, officiate and coach other places than at Jordan??? Last thing I promise that I am going to bring up is how people in the JLO (jordan lacrosse organization) have acted since I turned down the head coaching position. So I was talking to the girls parent rep a few months ago and I was talking with her about some of my concerns about the team and she started saying things like "well you didn't step up to coach," "I wasn't aware that you were doing anything to help" (almost in a smartalic tone) and that I think was what sent me over the top. The thing that I hate most about this situation is that I DON'T LIKE DRAMA and yet I am stuck in the middle of it trying to fight my way out.

I am ready to be completely done with Jordan lacrosse and just move on to Tribal.